y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
