so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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