The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
