i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
