But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
