The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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