ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
