plz talk dirty to me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
