sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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