Four minutes until I can fart!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
