we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well