Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.