Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.