he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me