I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
