whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize