I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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