My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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