This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
