I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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