on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
