I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
