I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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