we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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