I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
