I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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