Having a random hookup so left but love u
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Randomize
