Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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