All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
