Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
