DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Pants are for mortals
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
