White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
