Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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