Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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