my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
