Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
