so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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