just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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