I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
