is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
