while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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