Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
