Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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