i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
