Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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