Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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