so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
