Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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