and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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