Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
