member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
