I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize