he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
