I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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