My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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