when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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