I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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