my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize