You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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