Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
