apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
