i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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