I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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