He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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