I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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