This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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