There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
