Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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