I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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