Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
