I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize