I'm pants shitting drunk right now
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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