my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So many bounce houses so little time
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
