You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
