I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
