Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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