His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
